Heritage pics

As busy and swamped I've been this past year and as much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE and APPRECIATE Spring Break, I miss my students. I send them the lyrics to "Brand New Colony" last night via the homework message on our school website.

Here are some pictures of the school. I sent them to our pen pals at Palo Alto High School recently:
The building is less than a year old.





Here's the view from the corner of the school at
Broadway Ave. & 101st.
Sometimes I have supervision here in the morning:









This is a view of the building
from the corner of Broadway & 101st.
Pretty, isn't it?

There is only an upstairs and downstairs hallway in our building & 500 students in total. I teach 160 sophomores.









Period 4









Some Period 4 boys. Adorable.









Some adorable Period 3 kids. My student teacher lent the kid on the right Tortilla Curtain & Catcher in the Rye, & he loved them! Then he transferred. :(









We're about six exits south of USC, so I hope on the 110 to get to class.

Robby is finishing his dissertation today! After reading some edits from a psychology colleague about his psycho-physiology data & after a talk with Omi, he will read the dissertation once through and send it to his committee members. He is very intent on completing it today.

I'm revising Chapter 2, which is getting longer and longer. But I am thinking about cutting one section of it. I have to complete most of Chapter 1 today. I think that our group is behind the other dissertation groups, but I think we doing a more thorough thinking job. I'm glad my committee chair isn't a dissertation-cranking machine. I want to write about something I care about.

I'll talk about my diss later.

Atticus is up & humming in his crib. He chills in his crib after a 6 o'clock bottle. Sometimes he goes back to sleep. With my being at the computer in the morning, he is usually unlikely to go back to sleep. He LOVES being outside, loves to explore the sidewalk. He'll pick up twigs and dried berries, touch all the leaves and tree trunks.

I should start my morning work now.

Ciao!

I Heart Postal Service!

Beautiful lyrics!

An excerpt from "Brand New Colony" by Postal Service

i'll be the grape's fermented bottle served
with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman
i'll be the fire escape
that's bolted to the ancient brick
where you will sit and contemplate your day

i'll be the waterwings
that save you if you start drowning
in an open tab
when you're judgment's on the brink
i'll be the phonograph
that plays your favorite album back
as you're lying there
drifting off to sleep
i'll be the platform shoes
and do what heredity's done to you
you won't have to strain
to look into my eyes
i'll be your winter coat
that buttons up straight to the throat
wear the collar up so you won't catch a cold...

All White babies look the same?

Our day care nanny Espe told us that Atticus gives hugs the only two White babies at his day care. She thinks that he can't tell them apart.

I saw a black mini Cooper today with the license plate "VMP GRL." I looked closely at the license plate frame. It read, "I drive like a Cullen," in reference to the vampire family in Twilight. Ugh.

Spring Break...Yay!

Robby and I took the baby to day care and worked for 6.5 hours at our computers. I revised 13 pages of Chapter 2...Yay! I am making some major revisions, so it has taken very long. I put the chapter down for a month because I was afraid to revise it, but looking over it and creating at backward outline (Robby's advice) has helped me hone in on my topic. 15 pages left to revise!

Baby Blues

Atticus woke up at 2:30pm this morning crying uncontrollably. I went into his room & tried to shove the pacifier in his mouth, but he wouldn't take it. Tried to change his diaper, but he wouldn't sit still. He wouldn't even allow me to hold him. Robby got up, conjectured that the baby wanted milk, and we forcefully put him down & went back to sleep.

The baby has been throwing little tantrums lately. We can't figure out if it's physiological or brattiness. It could be a little bit of both. He wants sweet food when we feed him, so we mix little bits of grapes with his chicken or small dollops of yogurt with his egg.

So it's 4am, & I haven't gone back to bed yet. Today is the last day before Spring Break at Heritage, & I have a long list of things to do over vacation: revise Chapter 2 of my dissertation, complete Chapter 1, grade essays, get come Mommy-baby quality time, plan for the rest of the year...

Robby will scold me for being up, I know it. He just finished Chapter 7 of his dissertation. He is hoping to finish by next week. I can't wait to celebrate! After so many weeks of sitting raptly at the computer, he has finally crunched out this tedious dissertation. Mine may be more onerous because I'm gathering qualitative data, which means observations, which means transcribing dialogue, which means analyzing hours of observation notes... oi...

All of Westside LA was congested with impatient cars yesterday afternoon. Drivers looking for short cuts zoomed down our normally placid street. The weather was finally pleasant and sunny (it can never get too bad in LA, can it?), so Robby thinks that people were anxious to enjoy the sun.

It's been ages!

It has been ages since I've posted an entry in this blog.
Since my last entry, lots have happened.

Robby's mom & stepdad spent 2 glorious weeks with us in January. His grandmother also came for 4 days. Our cozy family crowded the apartment, but every inch of it was filled with warmth and sound. We loved the company and the busy evenings.

Atticus turned one and had a birthday party. Robby organized a knife-choosing ceremony. Out of 10 knives, Atticus chose the one with chopsticks, which signifies that he will be a big eater. We got a delicious tart from Porto's and invited lots of friends and family members. Two out of the three godfathers drove down from the Bay Area, & Atticus received four letters that will be opened ten and twenty years from now.

He can now walk pretty well. He loves to open cabinets and touch stuff. He can say "agua" pretty clearly. He can feed himself, imitate others, & blow kisses. He is getting over an ear infection right now, poor thing. We've bonded this weekend with Robby gone to his aunt's wedding.

Robby is still writing his dissertation & should be done by this summer. He'll be walking in May, so we will both cut our hair by then. My hair is so long that sometimes I sit on it. I can't wait to have a short do again.

Long Time No Write

Atticus can now...

1. kind of blow kisses
2. say "da da", though we haven't determined if he calling for Robby or not. I think he is.
3. stand for about 5 seconds without holding anything
4. say "agua."
5. tilt his head and feign sleep when we say, "baby sleeping."
6. point at things.
7. climb our bean bag.
8. do the hand motions for the song "The Wheels on the Bus."

He's turning one on Tuesday, February 22nd! We are so excited that he is having his first birthday. He is eating really chunky food, & he is a big fan of fruit.

On the dissertation side of life, I just completed an outline for Chapter 2, the lit review. I should have Chapter 2 written already, but teaching has gotten in the way of it all.

On the work side of things, I have never been closer to quitting. I keep going back and forth. Robby is super-supportive & only wants me to be happy & less stressed. Frankly, I am so stressed that I wake up at 3am, like this morning, & different scenarios of my quitting race through my head. The stress is really getting to me. But I go to school, & I am reminded by how much I love my students. & I forget how tired I am when I get home, or how little I see Atticus every day, or how little work I am completing for my dissertation. I had a chance to face my principal yesterday and give him my notice, but I balked. He pressured me to stay with reminders that I would be breaking my contract, that I would not be able to find another job after having left this one mid-year, and that I would be disappointing the kids. I agreed to stay, but now I'm not sure I made the right decision.

Yesterday, a kid in fourth period asked me, "Ms. Loh, do you love me?" & I replied, "Yes, I love you, Lalo." I love all my students, but is it worth all this mental anguish of balancing grad school, teaching, and family?

Right now, family is the lowest of my priorities right now, and I hate myself for that. I guess that sums it up: I am self-hating for having to juggle all these priorities.