Barely Sane

I called in sick today. Constant coughing since Sunday has led to a sore throat. Plus, a general lack of sleep has made me exhausted. Today the students have a half day taking a practice PSAT, so I haven't bailed out on them on a day that I could be teaching English. It's my second day off this semester, & I feel bad for disappointing them, but my health has been teetering ever since the school year started. I am always on the verge of illness by Wednesday. Today, as I walked through the apartment after sleeping in until 8am, I asked myself, How will I survive this kind of workload for the next 8 months? I ask myself this question often, & all I can do is take it day to day, do the best I can in juggling teaching, grading, the hours at school, a full graduate course load, & time with baby and partner. Needless to say, even on this day of rest, my thoughts are tinged with despair.

But the boy is fantastic! He is standing with our help now. I am sure that he will be crawling in the coming weeks & walking in the coming months. He loves to stand, squat, & stand. Last night, he had his first fall. He bumped his head on the base of a foot stool & cried so soulfully. I had never heard him cry like that before. It was a pitiful cry, not like the frustrated cry of hunger or the whiny cry of loneliness. He's been a big eater of baby food lately, & I've started feeding him a little water from a sippy cup. His repertoire of food is growing.



On a side note, my dad found an old photo of my grandfather online. It was taken in 1938 when China was invaded by Japan. Back then, the Soviet Union & China were tight. My grandfather, about 26 years old, is pictured with a Soviet air force squadron leader whom he had saved from a Japanese flying ace during a dogfight. My father found out later that the Russian pilot had traveled to China in 1988 to look for my grandfather. But after the Communist Revolution, my grandfather left China for Taiwan. By 1988, he had died from pancreatic cancer. He is so handsome in this photo, isn't he?